PRE-WRITING ARTIFACT
Group questions:
What is your favorite sentence?
Which story do you feel was best written?
Self questions:
What mentor text were you inspired by?
I was definitely most inspired by “Shitty First Drafts” and “Where I’m From” because they have allowed me to critique my writing in a new light and dive deeper into what I’m attempting to emphasize most in my writing.
Who is your audience?
My target audience would probably be my family and close friends that I’ve met throughout college (for some of my scenes). I would like to remind others of these special memories. For other scenes, particularly those framed around my home state, my target audience is people that have never been to Louisiana. For these scenes, I would like give those who aren’t from Louisiana or have never traveled to Louisiana a little taste of what it’s like growing up and living there for my life.
What parts do you care the most about?
I care most about being able to share some of my childhood memories with others and being able to expand on the moments that I have had to dig to remember or have forgotten over the years. I want others to be able to visualize what I experienced and place themselves in my position in some sort of way.
What parts do you most (or least) understand?
I think I understand most of what we’ve been covering throughout class, but I do have trouble connecting to other writers because my experiences differ greatly from theirs sometimes.
What parts do you connect to?
I connect to just about everything that I’ve written. I think the more imagery that I put into my writing, the more I’m able to connect with it, especially scenes dealing with nature or people in my life that I love and care about a lot.
Purpose: Entertain: It’s simply a story to entertain and enlighten people about what it’s like to grow up in Louisiana. I wanted to focus a lot on the setting and visual aspects because they’re such an important aspect but provide these details through short stories.
Audience: People who have never been to Louisiana or lived there (1-3): I want to give them a little sample of what Louisiana (or the certain part where I’m from) is like.
Family members (4-5): I want
Myself (all):
Genre: Something to read, short film perhaps
Map—First Story:
When I was in about seventh or eighth grade, my sister, our friend and I decided to go ride the Kawasaki around our neighborhood. We’d been doing this for years, and we had always loved to ride around when we were bored, and it was a pretty day out. A Kawasaki is basically just a mix between a golf cart and a four-wheeler. Anyways, I decided to go out on my own, and I found myself driving through a very brushy area behind the houses. What I didn’t know was that the land surrounding wasn’t flat, and as I was speeding 35mph on the terrain, I flew straight down a hill and crashed into the other side. I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, so I flew headfirst into the steering wheel, where I busted my lip open and bruised my back and arm terribly. The gears had shifted out of place, so forward drive was reverse, and vice versa. My friend had to drive the Kawasaki back home backwards.
Scar Wars Story (Revised)
Hairdresser -- When I was younger, I had always loved riding around my neighborhood on a Ripstick, which is pretty similar to what someone would call a skateboard. I would go down hills as fast as I could obviously because I wanted to show off to my siblings just how cool I was. While visiting our condo in Florida, I had the bright idea of going down the largest hill centered in the parking lot outside of our building. There I was, my 10-year-old self, zooming down the concrete slope. I was having the time of my life. That was, until, I kept gaining speed—and more, and more, and more—and that’s when the realization hit. I had no means of slowing down, and by the time that I realized it, it was already too late. I quickly panicked and tried to think of the fastest way to slow myself down without hurting myself. Since I was in a parking lot, the only objects around me were cars. I did what I thought was the best option—I thought that if I slowly grabbed onto a car that I could jump off onto the grass area in between two of the cars. Unfortunately, I ended up hurdling my body straight into the random person’s parked car in front of me, falling straight to the ground and noticing blood dripping all down my leg and foot.
It was just like any other ordinary day: the sun was beaming down heavily on my shoulders as I trekked across my high school campus to the tennis courts. Upon my arrival, I spotted a boy that I had never seen before. He was kind of cute. But, who was he? I since then discovered that the boy was actually our tennis instructor’s son and had joined the tennis season late due to conflicts with soccer. He was different from the guys I had known—sweet and playful, compassionate, and, well, two years older than I was. We had the same since of humor and we would always joke around with each other every chance we got. We grew closer and closer, and I found myself opening up to him in ways that I hadn’t opened up to people. Eventually, we started calling each other our BFFs, and we had a deep love for each other that no one could take away. That was 7 years ago. To this day, we’re still each other’s “BFF,” even if we are miles apart, and our relationship and the memories we created together will always hold a very special place in my heart.
THE ARTIFACT
Quite literally, where am I from?
31.28596*N, 92.49732*W
A map of a special place in my neighborhood
A brief poem describing where I'm from
I am from wooden chests
from rusty latches and polished surfaces
I am from the plants on the windowsill.
(Viridescent, vibrant
they smelled like Earth.)
I am from the creaking swingset
the rocking bench
whose swaying motions I remember
As if they were my own
A brief poem describing my favorite hobby
An endless mind,
full of stories, written and unwritten.
The mind that I can call mine,
The mind that lives in its own fantasy.
My mind, my escape from reality.
My mind, my sanctuary.
My mind, a pure love.
A few scenes describing where I'm from
My gaze fixed on the lush green forest ahead, my feet sinking into the ground beneath the shallow surface of the water. Chunks of mud clung to my skin where the tops of my rubber boots cut off, hardening like clay. The heavy air would suffocate those who weren’t accustomed to it, and the smell alone would be enough to make them turn the other direction. But no one and nothing saw me. I was with them, a part of them, but they themselves did not know that. Only I did.
Watch out for the thin ropes that lay strung across the sidewalks and roads. Watch out for the water beasts that would poke their noses above the surface of the water. Watch out for the swarms of flying little animals that creep around the woods and waters whose bite will leave you itching for days. Watch out for the sharp thorns of the brush and the muddy water, for no one knows what lingers underneath.
Sudden sensations of flavor overpowered my senses, flooding my mouth with the taste and smell of pure southern culture. Red spices, strong spices, all kinds of spices. Jambalaya, boudin, crawfish, meat pies, red beans and rice. Chicken fried just right, Mama’s homemade chicken pot pie, fresh fruits and vegetables sold on the sides of roads.
Our neighborhood was a community, where everyone knew their neighbors and would never pass by without a greeting of some sort. A little "hello" here, a little "hello" there. We shared the same pool, a park, a mailbox. We were family without realizing it, and the black iron gates that kept us safe enclosed us in its warm embrace. We shared the same memories.
Hopping around aimlessly, one foot in front of the other as I bolted across the small fenced area of freshly cut grass beside our home. Insects chirping, beautiful colors flashing intensely across the setting sky as beams of light shone down upon us. Dodging left, dodging right, gripping the ball tightly as my tiny hands struggled to wrap around its laces. Through the invisible line I crossed–and, TOUCHDOWN!
I was eight years old when I wrote my first story. Many more stories, poems, and essays later, I had fallen in love with writing. From there, I recorded everything. I would spend hours a day writing--writing about anything and everything and sometimes nothing at all. I was fascinated with the power of words and still am. That's where it all began, and that's where it will end. I leave my legacy in my words, because while everything else in this world is temporary, words last an eternity.
A quote describing where I'm from
“The writing of a novel is taking life as it already exists, not to report it but to make an object, toward the end that the finished work might contain this life inside it and offer it to the reader. The essence will not be, of course, the same thing as the raw material; it is not even of the same family of things. The novel is something that never was before and will not be again.”
—Eudora Welty, WD
Goodreads. (n.d.). A quote by Eudora Welty. Goodreads. Retrieved April 19, 2022, from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7898073-the-writing-of-a-novel-is-taking-life-as-it
A few photos describing where I'm from
PEER RESPONSE ARTIFACT
From peer response group = Louise, Mia, Emma, Emily, Kat
"Very deep - I like how you almost personify the benches motions as your own"
"This is super mysterious - I like it, I hope to read more"
"I think this is really personal, and I love that about it because it kind of shows who you are as a person in a way."
Advice/Ideas of Improvement:
- Try to focus on finding a specific audience. I feel like you have so many parts, which is good, but the focus shifts around a lot. If that's what you're trying to accomplish, you did a great job at it, but maybe clarify that somehow so the reader isn't all over the place when reading it.
- I feel like you've done a really good job at making sure everything is grammatically correct, but I think it would be cool to see your writing not be as "perfect" if that makes sense. I don't know, I just think it'll making it more interesting and intriguing to the reader.
MENTOR RESPONSE ARTIFACT
"Wow! I think this is really fascinating. I like what you're doing here. For people who don't know you that well, your writing really speaks to them. For you, I know that this type of writing is one that you do well, and I think that the imagery you have included really allows the reader to create a visual picture of what you're seeing, regardless if the reader has visited Louisiana or not."
I would suggest working on the flow of your ideas. Maybe categorize the parts into different sections that have the same subject. For example, maybe you could talk about your family in one part and the setting (your home, what you remember from your memories) in another one, followed by memories with your friends.
- English teacher from high school, Mrs. McKay
Where I'm From --> Where I Am
"When things change inside you, things change around you." -Unknown
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